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These 10 top online dating profile examples will help. One reason is because their profile reads like a boring, dating profile shaped turd. If you don’t keep on reading, I swear I won’t be upset with you.


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Sure, the old cliché goes that you care less what people think of you, the older you get, but while outwardly that may be true, in reality you care all the more. The dating scene once you’ve swapped your Converse for Clarks, then, can be pretty confusing. Kati clearly hasn’t spent a few carefree hours wandering through the poisoned tulip fields that are the comments section under every single Guardian piece. Some of the Telegraph is great, just like any newspaper. Before long, however, you’ll be wishing we were in Burger Blokes or Filthy Meat Slut or and you were watching me dribble one of their £11 irono-burgers all down my chin. Kati, you were only on Northumberland Avenue a minute ago – how come you’ve managed to buy Park Lane AND pass go in just one turn?! At 20 I looked like one of those part-baked baguettes you only ever get in Co-Op food stores on a horrible main road. Anyway, Matt is describing Kati as very leftwing but Kati claims to have held her tongue once she found out he was a “Telegraph reader”. Save your ballot-paper chat for the morning after, while you’re searching for your socks in an unfamiliar bedroom, bumping into excessive, ugly furniture and praying you have enough battery on your phone for your GPS to guide you out of wherever the hell you are. From different ends of the political spectrum, yes, but wouldn’t you like to be challenged every day, or do you just want the human equivalent of the nodding dog from the Churchill ads, agreeing with everything you say? Have you ever met anyone who said “Never say never” and meant anything other than “never”? Note: I generally don’t take sides, and all the comments I make are based on the answers the Guardian chooses to publish, which may have been changed by a journalist to make for better copy.


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