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Emily Doskow, an attorney in Oakland, Calif., said gay couples there are often shocked when they find out what they're on the hook for if they get married."Many same-sex couples are very used to having separate lives and being separately responsible for their own stuff," she said, "so when they find out that being married means they will be connected to their partner in this legal and financial way, it can be a very heavy blow." Debt and same-sex marriage As with heterosexuals, how much of your gay spouse's debt you can be held responsible for largely depends on where you live.

In fact, Indiana opened adoption to gay parents in 2006, nearly a decade before same-sex marriage became legal nationwide and seven years before Pence became governor.

Dear Civilities: My wife (female) and I are supporters of gay marriage, but we are puzzled about gay couples using the terms “wife” and “husband.” When same-sex couples marry, do they choose to be the “wife” as opposed to the “husband? Why not just use the term “partner” as do some heterosexuals?

— Name withheld A: Thanks for sending in this question because it’s one I’m asked fairly frequently, with a dollop of embarrassment because these monikers still aren’t that familiar. Your question seems to assume that when a same-sex couple adopts “husband” and “wife” as their preferred term, they pick one apiece. When two men have married, there are two husbands; for women, there are two wives.

” I also asked Jeff Zarrillo and Paul Katami, plaintiffs in the Supreme Court case that overturned Prop. I understand that much of this nomenclature is new to you — as it is to many others. ” After a moment, he adds: “This is the very first time I saw ‘husbands’ and ‘husbands.’ ” Finally, the amazing kicker: “So that means you love each other.” Indeed. Every other week, Steven Petrow, the author of “Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners,” addresses questions about LGBT and straight etiquette in his new column, Civilities.

8 in California, for their take: “Once married, we switched from calling each other ‘partner’ to ‘husband.’ We have personally fought so hard to use that word and it DOES matter. But unfamiliar as the words may be, more and more same-sex weddings are in our future. Leave it to the little ones to show us the way forward. E-mail questions to Steven at [email protected](unfortunately not all questions can be answered).

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