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I want to know once and for all if he likes me back. Besides, staying single will give me the chance to focus on other things, like friends, school, and getting a job!

" — and this year I'm going to ask him to winter formal.

I’ve decided my pen name will be Autumn, because I love the name and its my favourite season of the year. Well I’m quite paranoid and I’d prefer not to be hunted down and murdered by someone I’ve written about!

The reason why I’ve decided not to use my real name is because what I’m going to be writing about will be brutually honest reflections of things that happen to me e.g. As unrealistic and unlikely to happen as that might sound… (Unfortunately this is how my mind works lol) Now why have I decided to start a blog? I attempted to start a blog a while back, and being the procrastinator that I am, I chose the worst possible time to do so.

I was in the midst of studying for my finals and although I’ve always wanted to start a blog, I used it as a way of avoiding text books and revision notes. I’m 26 and I’ve never been in a grown up relationship.

I wrote a few posts about what it was like to be single and how my unsuccessful dating life was going. My dating life can be described as “a series of unfortunate events…” No potential love interests have been located as yet, and when I say love interests I don’t mean it in a crazy- “I cant wait to fall in love with you after our first date,” but just someone worth dating, who actually wants to date me (that’s an important criteria).

Maybe they’re right, but I can’t do that right now.

In a world where I feel sad so much of the time, where I feel so lonely and where I sometimes struggle to find meaning in it all… I know I shouldn’t use him as an emotional crutch and he doesn’t know I’m doing it so surely it’s not so bad.

However, I read an article recently about oxytocin and how it can trick you into thinking you’re in love when really it’s just chemicals messing with you. When you’re in love you’re supposed to want to do anything to make that person happy. He probably doesn’t think about me as much as I think about him. I’ve been told by so many people that I need to let him go and move on.As I skimmed through it, I felt myself getting emotional. That was a time where I was still a mystery to him. I was unpredictable, there wasn’t much he knew about me… I know it’s stupid to feel sad that things are no longer as they were, that’s life.I began asking myself silly questions like- how comes he doesn’t call me babe anymore? People grow apart, love and friendships die, it happens, but it still hurts.This is not place where you’ll learn the mysteries of men and how to lock one down, if I knew that my blog would be called Autumn’s Inner Thoughts: what it’s like to be deliriously in love (ahh one day… However, I hope you enjoy reading about my experiences and hope in the very least you might learn what not to do. I’ve got plans to go on dates while I’m in London and Mr X has always been honest with me so he deserves the same. What’s that saying about cutting off something in order for the stump to heal… I’m sitting in the airport lounge waiting to board my plane.As someone once said- “Learn from the mistakes of others, you can’t make them all yourself.” Stay tuned I was looking forward to seeing him. I ask myself why I didn’t send the message after we met up. Hmm I really shouldn’t try to use sayings I can’t remember. I’ve already switched my world time to London and like a stalker my eye is on the clock because it’s and I know he gets up at and by he would’ve checked his phone, Facebook, Instagram, whatsapp.

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