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I like when Adventure Day has an educational element). The kids just turned 3 and 5 and this was one of the first Adventure Days that did not require a stroller, diaper or coordinating around nap time. My mind reels with dreams of all the fun family activities and trips we will take. I’ve written about how having my children has freed me up to enjoy dating and men in a new, wonderful way.I treated them to spring rolls and pho at my favorite Vietnamese joint and we strolled the streets of lower Manhattan, wandering in and out of shops. Several of the dads I’ve gone out with seem relieved to find that my biological clock has more or less run out of batteries, and that I’m not replacing them anytime soon.But when deciding to date a woman with a child, you should be clear about your expectations for the relationship upfront with yourself and her.In other words, if you’re still in the “dating just to date” phase of your life, involving a woman with a child is probably not the type of relationship you should engage in because your actions will more than likely impact the lives of two people — the woman and the child.However, there are a few things childless men should keep in mind when deciding whether they are ready to date a woman with a child, or children. Figure out if you like or want kids BEFORE dating a woman with children.

Or is stepparenting, however temporary, something I’m just not ready for, regardless of how much Prince Charming has to offer?

I’m no stranger to the unique joys and challenges of stepparenting, though my previous experience comes from the other side of the coin.

I’m from what I call a “creative family.” You might call it broken, or split, or blended, or some other adjective that describes families that are hodge-podged together from the remnants of other families, but I prefer “creative.” My brother and I spent most of our childhood and all of our adolescence shuttling between two such families a mere fifteen minutes apart. I’m from what I call a “creative family.” You might call it broken, or split, or blended, or some other adjective that describes families that are hodge-podged together from the remnants of other families, but I prefer “creative.”From the vantage point between these households, we got a front row seat into the struggles and challenges of the most thankless role in the modern family: the stepparent.

This was apparent to me Saturday, our weekly “Adventure Day” when my kids and I do something fun and unusual. While friends will occasionally ask if I want more children, I don’t feel much pressure to make a decision. This is what I surmise: These recently separated or divorced men spend years in unhappy, often chaste marriages and they fantasize about all the young women and hot sex they will have when they get out. I’ve gone out with a few childless guys who made it clear they wanted to have children of their own.

This week we rode the subway to Chinatown where we shared a bubble tea (and got a lesson in urban race relations when a tiny, elderly Chinese man screamed f-bombs and n-bombs at a very large young black man so loudly that my daughter clapped her hands over her ears and curled into my shoulder. When these guys jump onto OKCupid, they soon realize that many of these lusty ladies of their dreams may indeed be young and cute. I very much appreciate that position, and I may one day find myself thrilled conceive or adopt a child with a second husband. Instead, I think about how amazing it would be to be a stepmom, or what a great gift it would be for my children to love and be loved by someone they see me partnering with – and for our children to grow to care for one another.




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